A search for someone. Or something.

Two heavy steps pounded the ground in a steady rhythm. People parted to make way, alerted by the huffs and puffs from a few feet. Dressed in shoes, running pants and an L size t-shirt, Rashmi was one of the few young jogging on the track around the cricket ground that morning. Rest of the crowd, being elders, preferred to walk.

People walked in both directions, and the track was not very wide. She would slow down every once in a while to allow others to cross, and at times sprint to make it through a closing gap. It was irritating. She had almost given up running over it. Then Sarika convinced her it actually added to her exercise and could be beneficial.

After Five rounds around the garden, she found Sarika at a bench beside the walking track. Rashmi settled next to her, straightening her shirt and tightening her hair-bun.

“Mornin’!” Sarika beamed as Rashmi wheezed and nodded.

“How was the party last night?” Sarika enquired.

“Music was good,”

“Did you dance?”

“You think?”

Sarika grinned and shook her head. Rashmi took a break from panting to swallow, and looked around, as if looking for someone. Or something.

“He’s not here yet,” Sarika quipped.

“Who?”

“That cute guy you liked the other day.”

“Aw, that’s sad.” Rashmi said blankly.

Her phone rang with a new notification. “Aishwarya,” she unlocked the phone and said, “added a photo with you.”

“Oh, show me?” Sarika peeped.

“Ugh you will hate it,” Rashmi declared, “it’s like a photo studio picture – two faces lit by the flash, standing in front of a crowd dancing their worries away in the dark. It’s the worst place for clicking photos.”

“You could have got some nice candids there if you had your DSLR.”

“Yes, they would be published for a listicle titled ‘hundred pics to teach you how not to dance’.”

Sarika giggled and turned to the phone again. “Look at this! Fifty likes already and it’s not even 7-30 yet.” She took Rashmi’s phone and scrolled through the list of likes. “You know any of them?”

“No,” Rashmi looked at the list and felt her heart burn a little. She knew who the likes were for.

“Who is she?”

“My colleague at work.” Rashmi said.

“Clubhopper, Fitness freak, Paint it Red,” Sarika read from Aishwarya’s bio. “3000 followers! That’s cool!”

“That’s obsessive,” Rashmi corrected, “You should see how obsessed she is about her profile. Says she won’t stop before 10k followers.”

“You think she can make it?”

“Why not?” Rashmi dismissed her, “a, she looks good; b, she looks good!”

“I know man, look at her figure, I bet you can’t get there in your life!” Sarika brandished the right of a best friend.

Rashmi stared at her hard like a ferocious big-cat, and then pounced to snatch the phone from her hands.

Sarika dodged her and shifted the phone from one hand to the other and then back to the first. As Rashmi tried vehemently to seize the phone, Sarika held it in her hands, locked between her back and the railing of the bench. Rashmi gave up and cursed.

“You lose your cool too soon ya,” Sarika said playfully, “spoils the fun,”

She held the phone up before Rashmi. Before Rashmi could understand anything, it face-unlocked to show another photo from Aishwarya’s profile. Rashmi moved quickly to snatch it again, and failed.

Sarika laughed heartily and stood up away from Rashmi, opening the comments section of a photo. “Ayesha says, looking gorgeous; Jagdeep says, nice pic… Okay this pic isn’t steamy enough. Lemme check… Yes! Rajiv says, whatsup baby hawru.” Sarika took a moment to cackle before continuing with wild hand gestures for effect, “Pranav says, pretty – exclamation exclamation – fire emoji! Arpita says, my glowing babyyy – heart. Okay that’s just her mom, ignore. Poorva says, Pweeetyyy – exclamation – heart-eyes. Okay another one – smita says, really loved it.”

“oh, *uck you!!” Rashmi gestured as she shot up to her legs and walked away, hell bent on ignoring Sarika. Sarika followed her close, but keeping a short safe distance.

“Pallavi says, amazing details, I mean look at the colors! Sachin says, full on 90s vibes bro, keep it up! Nihar says, there is a lot more to this place, lets plan something here! Vanessa says, Stunning photo, the textures, light and colour are sublime! Shardul says, I really, REALLY like the architecture of this place. There is nothing like a …”

“Wait wait wait wait,” Rashmi stopped and turned around to Sarika, “are you reading the comments from MY photos? Why are you reading comments from MY photos under HER name?”

Sarika smiled mischievously and walked backwards to maintain her distance. “Tell me!!” Rashmi almost shouted and ran after Sarika. Sarika shrieked and set off in a sprint, swerving to avoid crashing into the lady behind her. The lady, and others around, looked at them like they were a public nuisance that they knew no way to fix.

They sprinted half the track around the ground, dodging irritated comments of the people. Sarika then took a detour into the grass, but Rashmi caught hold of her shortly and they fell to the ground – struggling with each other.

“What are you going to do? Hit me?” Sarika challenged her as she laughed. “Ugh!!” Rashmi seized the phone from her hands, trudged a few feet away and then sat down again, panting hard.

“I wonder –” Sarika remarked with sarcasm and heavy breathing, “How could you tell – the comments on your photos – from the comments on her photos?”

“Because I’ve read them before.” Rashmi said in a complaining tone.

“Really?  – You sure you are a crazy narcissist – who remembers every comment on her – 300 odd photos?”

Rashmi looked away – still irritated with Sarika, while both of them took time to catch their breath.

Sarika swallowed hard and continued, “There is a pattern, Rashmi, in what comments she gets, and what comments you get. Everyone chooses to flaunt their own prosperities. Some have money, some have beauty, some have talents. Everybody wants to have what they don’t have – but those like us often forget, we wouldn’t give up what we have to get what we wish we had.”

Rashmi looked at Sarika, and smiled. “Okay… Socrates!”

Sarika smirked back and let herself fall flat on the grass. Rashmi stared at her feet and then looked up, around her, as if searching for someone. Or something. But there was nothing new today. The season being summer, there was no fog either. Besides, she had clicked enough pictures of here already.

Terrific

First days of college are always the best ones. New friends, new worlds, new sparks; it’s terrific. Terrific for many, and a little terrifying for a few.

Chatting, laughing and high-fiving each other amidst the crowd in the canteen for lunch, their group of eight rose from their tables. Madhura hurried to meet him midway as he was returning from the washbasin.

“Sameer, pay my share no. I have to go to the loo.” She said, shoving the money in his hands.

“Okay,” He muttered, wiping his hands and trying to not wet the money at the same time.

Following her, remaining six of them too paid their contributions to him and walked out. Sameer stood in his place for a moment, before he started counting.

The canteen was overflowing with people. Waiters relayed orders that customers had shouted to them. More customers waited in the empty spaces, trying to spot an empty chair. Standing between two rows of tables, Sameer tried to remember what everyone had ordered. You need to stop being so lost in your own thoughts, he told himself.

Another group had occupied their tables, and they started to move his bag to make space. The guy sitting at the end of the table was about to place it on the floor when Sameer ran to stop him. His bag hanging by one shoulder, as Sameer stood in the walkway, a waiter pushed him aside as he called at a customer in the farthest corner, making way and handing Sameer a square, yellow paper slip.

Relieved, Sameer counted the money again, only to realise it was short of the bill. He added the little deficit, wondering who owed him that amount, and handed it over to the cashier with trembling hands.

“Why are you shaking?” Madhura reappeared out of nowhere and caught hold of him.

“What? No!” He laughed uncomfortably, trying to avoid the stare of the cashier.

“Yes you are! Hold your hand up, like this?”

Sameer seized the balance and rushed out of the canteen, burying his hands in the pockets of his jacket. Madhura followed him closely as they joined their group.

“Sameer, are you okay?” She prodded again.

“Yes, I am fine.”

“What happened?” A friend of his turned to ask.

“He was shaking like anything when he paid the bill,”

“What’s wrong with you now?” Ambar remarked with minimal compassion that any two guy friends pretend to have for one another.

“Ask her, man. Something’s wrong with her.” Sameer walked past, laughing.

 

All eight of them occupied all of the third row of the classroom.

His eyes were staring into the notebook when they were not looking at the teacher. The only time he looked up and around himself, he met Madhura’s stare. Throughout the lecture, she had had an eye on him. Before she could as much as smile, he dashed his gaze to the blackboard and hands to the pockets, grasping for his phone.

 

“Sameer, go sit down. I want to brush up Anish and Snigdha’s scene first.” The director ordered.

Ambar, who played Anish, ruffled through his script while Alka walked across a chalked line onto the superficial stage. Sameer walked back to the chairs. He saw Madhura sitting there, and walked past the chairs to the far corner of the hall.

The rehearsal hall was on the top floor, overlooking the campus. The window at the end of the hall supervised a panoramic view of buildings peeking through the oasis in a metropolis. Often, to distance himself from the loud chats and laughter of the theatre enthusiasts, he sought refuge at the side of that window.

Madhura came and stood at the other side. Sameer looked at her, she was smiling mischievously.

“You are not going to let go of me, no?”

“All I want, is to know why you are behaving like this.”

He sighed, in a calm soothing way. “There were so many people! And things were happening so fast. I couldn’t catch up.”

“What things?”

“You know… Everyone just handed me the money and I had no idea what was the bill. Fortunately the waiter remembered, or I don’t know what an embarrassment it would have been!”

“So what? You just pay what you think is the right amount and walk out!”

He stared at her blankly, and then looked away. “Forget it. You won’t understand.”

“No… tell me!”

He laughed at how innocently she had pleaded.

“You remember how quiet I was in the beginning? You, Aisha and Sneha used to pester me to say something, all the time and I used to be as quiet as the midnight anyway.”

“Hah! It took some time, but we opened you up finally!” She beamed with pride.

He shook his head in agreement and looked down at his fiddling fingers.

“I get overwhelmed, you know. In social situations, or even in small groups… I tend to be quiet because I think too much about every little thing, and that makes me like this. Nervous. Rather, Anxious!”

“Shut up. How come you never get nervous on stage? You never even as much as forget one line. In fact you are so much better than everybody else.”

“I don’t know!” Sameer paused and looked up at her, “…How come I never realised this before!”

“You are expected to say thank you, when people compliment you, you know?”

“Aah yes, thank you!” Both of them laughed.

“Maybe I am not myself when I am acting? People are not looking at me when they are watching a play. They are looking at a character. I know exactly how people will judge that character, which is exactly how I want them to judge it. Actually, life is not so simple.”

“Oh my god!” Madhura laughed hard. “Tell me your favourite philosopher already!”

“Kierkegaard.”

“What?”

“What?” Sameer was confused.

Even the director glared at them from the other end of hall when Madhura laughed again. “Why are you so weird?”

He shrugged, “I have a written script for me when I am performing on stage, real life does not give me enough time to think! Someone had put it very nicely on reddit: Social anxiety is like forgetting your dialogues on the stage in a theatre full of audience.”

“But why do you have to get nervous in front of us? There are hardly twenty people here!”

Sameer wiped his face with his hand and smiled. “You are right.”

“You should stop being so alone all the time. This loneliness puts thoughts in your head, they will drive you crazy one day. Come, sit with us.” She dragged him by his arm towards the chairs. He followed.

 

 

Disclaimer: Shoutout to redditor u/splitzzz04 on r/Showerthoughts