What if this too is another heatbreak?

It was late, and I was railing in my chair in the living room, watching a cricket match. She walked down the stairs, smiled at me and continued to the kitchen. As I tried to decipher the strategy of the bowling captain, she finished drinking her water and returned to sit down on the sofa next to me.

“Are they winning it?” She enquired, in a soft voice, trying not to disturb others’ sleep.

She never liked cricket, I knew. “It is tough, but with Narain on the crease, anything is possible.” I said, before turning towards her, “Is Avani asleep?”

“Yeah,” She sighed.

 “It’s great that you could make it for the get together. Now that you have a daughter of your own, I’m sure you understand how much I miss you girls.” I grinned.

A hint of irritation fluttered on her eyebrows. “How do you manage to do that?”

“Do what?” I shrugged playfully.

“Say something as serious as that so casually?”

“Side effects of aging!”

She smiled and shook her head.

We shared a moment of silence, filled by the TV commentary.

“Oh… I wanted to ask you, how is Saurabh?”

“He’s fine.” She dismissed my question.

“How often do you guys meet?” I prodded.

“We don’t meet anymore.”

She was never the one to share the details with her parents. Whatever happened, she braced through it on her own. I got to know the details later, from her cousins.

“It’s just that we need to work some things out. Maybe. I don’t know.” She laughed, nervously.

“I see. But I thought you liked him? I mean, I was half expecting him to be here with us.”

She sighed under the weight of expectations. Mine and her own too, probably.

“I don’t know, I guess I’m scared. What if this too turns out to be a heartbreak?”

I grinned again, and turned towards her. “Oh, look at you! You’re all serious!”

She didn’t find it funny. She stared blankly at the TV, clearly unaware of what was going on on the screen.

I curbed my humour and turned serious. “The best way to find out the answer, is to ask the question to him.”

She looked down in her laps and shrugged. “I’m tired, Appa. I don’t think I have it in me anymore to bear another heartbreak. I’d rather go without anybody. Anyway, now with Avani and all…”

“You know, Life is weird,” I interrupted her and looked away. I hated how hopeless life could be. “But you are a careerist women, so check if this makes it simpler for you:

“If you want to achieve something, you have to be ready to fail at it first. If you want to be happy, you have to risk unhappiness. If you want to smile about something, you have to accept the chances of its tears too. That’s the nature of emotions. Either all of them come together, or none at all.

“There is nothing to be scared about heartbreaks. Everyone cries, wipes their tears, and then smiles, with a new hope.

“The scary part comes later. It is when you stop feeling anything at all… because you’re tired of being heartbroken. How easily we forget, that no matter how hard it may be, but we have a choice. Either go numb, or take the risk of being vulnerable, once again.

Choosing numbness is easier, because you know that you won’t be heartbroken for sure. But it is just as sure that you won’t be really happy either. Sometimes it is too late by the time you realise the second part.

Build the strength to risk your heart. For only with a chance of failure, comes the chance of success. May you never stop yourself from feeling emotions.”

A search for someone. Or something.

Two heavy steps pounded the ground in a steady rhythm. People parted to make way, alerted by the huffs and puffs from a few feet. Dressed in shoes, running pants and an L size t-shirt, Rashmi was one of the few young jogging on the track around the cricket ground that morning. Rest of the crowd, being elders, preferred to walk.

People walked in both directions, and the track was not very wide. She would slow down every once in a while to allow others to cross, and at times sprint to make it through a closing gap. It was irritating. She had almost given up running over it. Then Sarika convinced her it actually added to her exercise and could be beneficial.

After Five rounds around the garden, she found Sarika at a bench beside the walking track. Rashmi settled next to her, straightening her shirt and tightening her hair-bun.

“Mornin’!” Sarika beamed as Rashmi wheezed and nodded.

“How was the party last night?” Sarika enquired.

“Music was good,”

“Did you dance?”

“You think?”

Sarika grinned and shook her head. Rashmi took a break from panting to swallow, and looked around, as if looking for someone. Or something.

“He’s not here yet,” Sarika quipped.

“Who?”

“That cute guy you liked the other day.”

“Aw, that’s sad.” Rashmi said blankly.

Her phone rang with a new notification. “Aishwarya,” she unlocked the phone and said, “added a photo with you.”

“Oh, show me?” Sarika peeped.

“Ugh you will hate it,” Rashmi declared, “it’s like a photo studio picture – two faces lit by the flash, standing in front of a crowd dancing their worries away in the dark. It’s the worst place for clicking photos.”

“You could have got some nice candids there if you had your DSLR.”

“Yes, they would be published for a listicle titled ‘hundred pics to teach you how not to dance’.”

Sarika giggled and turned to the phone again. “Look at this! Fifty likes already and it’s not even 7-30 yet.” She took Rashmi’s phone and scrolled through the list of likes. “You know any of them?”

“No,” Rashmi looked at the list and felt her heart burn a little. She knew who the likes were for.

“Who is she?”

“My colleague at work.” Rashmi said.

“Clubhopper, Fitness freak, Paint it Red,” Sarika read from Aishwarya’s bio. “3000 followers! That’s cool!”

“That’s obsessive,” Rashmi corrected, “You should see how obsessed she is about her profile. Says she won’t stop before 10k followers.”

“You think she can make it?”

“Why not?” Rashmi dismissed her, “a, she looks good; b, she looks good!”

“I know man, look at her figure, I bet you can’t get there in your life!” Sarika brandished the right of a best friend.

Rashmi stared at her hard like a ferocious big-cat, and then pounced to snatch the phone from her hands.

Sarika dodged her and shifted the phone from one hand to the other and then back to the first. As Rashmi tried vehemently to seize the phone, Sarika held it in her hands, locked between her back and the railing of the bench. Rashmi gave up and cursed.

“You lose your cool too soon ya,” Sarika said playfully, “spoils the fun,”

She held the phone up before Rashmi. Before Rashmi could understand anything, it face-unlocked to show another photo from Aishwarya’s profile. Rashmi moved quickly to snatch it again, and failed.

Sarika laughed heartily and stood up away from Rashmi, opening the comments section of a photo. “Ayesha says, looking gorgeous; Jagdeep says, nice pic… Okay this pic isn’t steamy enough. Lemme check… Yes! Rajiv says, whatsup baby hawru.” Sarika took a moment to cackle before continuing with wild hand gestures for effect, “Pranav says, pretty – exclamation exclamation – fire emoji! Arpita says, my glowing babyyy – heart. Okay that’s just her mom, ignore. Poorva says, Pweeetyyy – exclamation – heart-eyes. Okay another one – smita says, really loved it.”

“oh, *uck you!!” Rashmi gestured as she shot up to her legs and walked away, hell bent on ignoring Sarika. Sarika followed her close, but keeping a short safe distance.

“Pallavi says, amazing details, I mean look at the colors! Sachin says, full on 90s vibes bro, keep it up! Nihar says, there is a lot more to this place, lets plan something here! Vanessa says, Stunning photo, the textures, light and colour are sublime! Shardul says, I really, REALLY like the architecture of this place. There is nothing like a …”

“Wait wait wait wait,” Rashmi stopped and turned around to Sarika, “are you reading the comments from MY photos? Why are you reading comments from MY photos under HER name?”

Sarika smiled mischievously and walked backwards to maintain her distance. “Tell me!!” Rashmi almost shouted and ran after Sarika. Sarika shrieked and set off in a sprint, swerving to avoid crashing into the lady behind her. The lady, and others around, looked at them like they were a public nuisance that they knew no way to fix.

They sprinted half the track around the ground, dodging irritated comments of the people. Sarika then took a detour into the grass, but Rashmi caught hold of her shortly and they fell to the ground – struggling with each other.

“What are you going to do? Hit me?” Sarika challenged her as she laughed. “Ugh!!” Rashmi seized the phone from her hands, trudged a few feet away and then sat down again, panting hard.

“I wonder –” Sarika remarked with sarcasm and heavy breathing, “How could you tell – the comments on your photos – from the comments on her photos?”

“Because I’ve read them before.” Rashmi said in a complaining tone.

“Really?  – You sure you are a crazy narcissist – who remembers every comment on her – 300 odd photos?”

Rashmi looked away – still irritated with Sarika, while both of them took time to catch their breath.

Sarika swallowed hard and continued, “There is a pattern, Rashmi, in what comments she gets, and what comments you get. Everyone chooses to flaunt their own prosperities. Some have money, some have beauty, some have talents. Everybody wants to have what they don’t have – but those like us often forget, we wouldn’t give up what we have to get what we wish we had.”

Rashmi looked at Sarika, and smiled. “Okay… Socrates!”

Sarika smirked back and let herself fall flat on the grass. Rashmi stared at her feet and then looked up, around her, as if searching for someone. Or something. But there was nothing new today. The season being summer, there was no fog either. Besides, she had clicked enough pictures of here already.